Insanity anyone?

Oh God!! I’m really hating this! I really want to move out. I don’t want to live where I’m living right now. I know that I should be thankful that I have a free place to live in here in Manila… Yes, I actually am very thankful that my parents do not have to pay a rent for a condominium or an apartment for two months. But the thing is that it’s really difficult to live with other people, especially if they think dirty things about you… No, it’s actually much more difficult to live with your relatives and know that they (actually only one person thinks it, but I want to use the word ‘they’ to be more general) think dirty things about you and your cousin. (Yes, incest is the” issue” here.)

The thing is one of the people who keep me sane here in manila is my cousin. Now, I can’t even go to her room to chat, because someone would think that we’re doing some dirty deed. I mean, my God! She’s my cousin. Argh! I’m totally flaring. I can actually move into my own condo, my parents already told me that If I wanted to move out they can always give me money for me to have my own place. I’m sorry if I sound arrogant with me saying this, but the thing is that I actually have a choice. There are two things that’s keeping me from moving out: (1) my expenses would really inflate, and it’s that I don’t want my parents to spend a lot of money on me. I don’t know why… I guess I’m easily bothered by my conscience that if I have a choice, I would really want them to spend less. (2) I think I’ll be too lonely when I’ll live alone.

 It was really nice to live here (before someone got lascivious thoughts into her mind), I can watch all the movies I want because my cousin has a gigantic collection of DVDs, a Nintendo Wii, a PSP, a DS and most especially, I have someone to talk to and that I enjoy her company.  But now, I really want to move out. I really, really do. But I’ll be going back to Davao in two weeks… I don’t know if I could still endure this. I’m embarrassed and pissed-off! Embarrassed because now I know that I’m really just adding 123,786.89 tons of dead weight in this house and pissed-off, well, you know why I’m pissed.

I can really feel that the-person-who’s-mind-is-corrupted (I’m really sorry for saying that… But it’s really true) wants me out of the house as soon as possible. I don’t want to tell my mom about what’s happening here because she’ll just worry too much. And if I’ll tell her that I want to move out, and she knows that I’ll be going back to Davao soon, she’ll really think that something’s wrong. I don’t know what to do.

 I would have wanted to eat the mangoes that my cousin bought. I was craving for green mangoes the whole day. Now, I don’t know If we can eat by ourselves without someone thinking that we’re “too-close”.