In need of a Pensieve

Don’t you just want to have your own pensieve? I do… I need to get a lot of things out of my head.

Pensieves are needed for a person to be able to concentrate on what he/she has to do. It instantly clears the mind.

I know i need to get a lot of thoughts out of my head… I keep thinking about things that i know will never change.  

Sex and Love

Ok… This is just a realization. LOL! 

Well… one of the effects of modernity i guess is that people tend to have sex before actually feeling love towards a person. With the invention/innovation/birth of numerous bars, alcoholic drinks, drugs, cellphones, internet, paved roads, cars, trains, and etc people can have/find sex so much easier than before. 

In the times of our grandfathers and great grandfathers, before the birth of internet, cellphones,and all these technologies which bring people closer (in more ways than one, pun very much intended), it was fairly difficult for them to meet people of the opposite sex, or of the same sex (which was really much harder to do back then) just for hook-ups… Unlike now, most people get to know each other more through text or through chat… Which totally doesn’t require that much effort as going to someone’s place and actually talking in person.

 It actually has both it’s pros and cons. Well, you decide. 

Breaking the No. 1 Rule

MY NO.1 RULE: NEVER EXPECT BUT ALWAYS HOPE FOR THE BEST

Some people won’t see the difference between the two. On my case, i see a big difference. Expecting always lead to disappointments, hurt, and the likes which makes a person emo. Hoping, on the other hand, prepares you to be not disappointed, not hurt, and not emo. LOL! i can’t explain it properly… Let’s put it this way, expecting is almost synonymous to certainty while hoping is synonymous to just thinking of the possibility.

I don’t want to expect… But what’s happening now is that i’m expecting something from someone. I really don’t want this feeling. I feel that i’m just really going to get hurt. Argh…  What’s happening to my numbness? It’s suddenly fading. I’m starting to feel again. I’m once again vulnerable.

Just wanted to get this out of my head. I still need to study for my effin exam. 

CONCENTRATE!CONCENTRATE!
CONCENTRATE!

Problems

I went to the Induction of Leaders of organizations here in UPLB. I thought that everything would go all right. I would just go up front and receive the certificate of recognition for our organization. But well, i was once again, wrong. Our organization wasn’t recognized and we didn’t get to have our certificate. Our recognition until now is pending. We will know if we’re going to be recognized for this sem by Monday or Tuesday. If ever our organization won’t be recognized, we won’t be able to bring the name of our school with us whenever we’ll have an activity and we couldn’t use the facilities of the school. The former is what we’re after, the latter is not really that important. 

 The OSA’s reason for not recognizing our organization as an affiliate of UPLB is that because we have exclusivity in our organization. Exclusivity in a way that we only accept applicants who are from davao. They also said that there shouldn’t be any gender exclusivity (eg. boys only or girls only (aka fraternities and sororities)) but there were a lot of fraternities and sororities which were recognized. I asked the head of the department why this is, and she just said that these fraternities and sororities have already been in the University for a long time. Wow, a very valid reason (i’m being sarcastic of course). Only one varsitarian organization has been recognized for this semester, the new one. For some reason, I can’t remember their name… All other varsitarian organizations are in a case just like ours.

We have come up with a speculation that the director of our OSA is slowly trying to rid of all other types organizations aside from academic organizations. Starting with us, the varsitarian organizations. The reason why we’re the first ones is that we are the least in number here in UPLB.

It’s just mind-boggling why they have to do this. They keep saying that UP, yes, University of the Philippines is different from other schools because this institution gives its students a chance to THINK FOR THEMSELVES.  To let them decide on THEIR OWN. To give them FREEDOM! but what is happening now? The OSA is trying to control what organizations are supposed to be recognized by the university and what shouldn’t be, under SENSELESS grounds. Where is the freedom in that?

It’s just very depressing that for 19 years, the organization has been a duly recognized varsitarian organization in the University of the Philippines Los Banos and there is a chance that we won’t be recognized this time. It’s saddening that we have so much activites lined-up for this semester. Irritating that everytime we are back in our hometowns, we are very much proud that we are from UPLB and now the administration tries to feed us with this crap.

Our organization is still hoping for the best. I myself am hoping that by monday or tuesday, we would have our very much desired certificate.

Routinary == Life

Life is a routine… and i believe that it always will be. The times that these routines are broken, are the times that something good or something bad happens in someone’s life. That is why people always want change in their lives… because routines always tend to become boring. This is also the reason why surprises, good or bad, are a shock, because it is, once again, a change in the routine.

My life for the past weeks has been very routinary. Nothing new has been happening. Everything is just so predictable.  No surprises, no changes. An example would be that everytime i would go out, to party or something, i know i might meet someone, but that person will just forget about me the next day or vice-versa. Nothing excites me anymore… I’ve never been really happy or really sad. Whenever I would be happy, it would just last a few seconds then it would be gone. I haven’t been really sad lately…. I’m more of bored than sad.. Which is a sign that, yes,my life is becoming too much of a routine.

A realization just came to me. Will i be truly happy? It actually scares me… This point of view in life.. If routines bore me this much, then what will not make me bored? Even in big changes there will always be “after these changes” and once again, after adjusting to these changes, everything will be a routine.

This I think is also the reason why my past relationships did not work… When all the hype of getting to know the person stage is over, the relationship will just be a routine.

Evidence

It’s just now that i’ve seen the video Evidence by Urbandub… It’s so morbid and i really love it! i didn’t expect the ending.. the cinematography was really good. It’s like a series of beatiful photographs made into a video. Love the tone of the whole video. It’s really cool! and to top it all off, i definitely am now addicted to the song! *caught you in the arms of another, been dying everyday since then* so emo! i’m not emo, i’m not even heartbroken or even looking for love for that matter… I can’t relate to the song in any way, but it’s just amazing!!!

I’m a fan!

On the jeepney ride from school i had a sudden realization! I’m a John Lloyd and Bea Alonzo fan. My gawd! haha… They’re both just so cute! hehe.. I actually haven’t watched their movies in the cinemas but I’ve seen them on pirated dvds. Evertyime I would watch their movie, i would really feel the chemistry between the two of them. Their love team seems so real in reel. Wow. It’s just amazing.. I would feel "kilig" whenever a sweet and/or funny moment happens between the two of them. haha.. Gosh. JOLOGS! lol. Oh well.. I wish they will produce more movies… but i think that i still won’t watch it in movie houses. hehehehe.. I’m thinking of brangelina or whatever mixed names for both of them.. I can’t think of anything catchy… Suggestions anyone?

this is a very "aaaaaww…." type of movie. hehe.. 

Unending needs

I went to the grocery a while ago. Bought lots of canned goods, eggs, pancit cantons, and all other in-an-instant food. While i was lining-up to pay for the stuff that i bought, i felt the need for a credit card. It would be so much easier for me because all the grocery expenses would not be paid by my allowance, but by my parents (well, my allowance come from my parents, but i would not feel that i "paid" for the grocery items, you know what i mean). I wouldn’t limit myself in the grocery items that i will buy and it’s actually not useless spending, because i’ll be buying food… Then it came to me, if i bought a lot of grocery items, it would be really heavy… Then i would need a car, of course, i do not want to commute from the mall to my apartment. It would be too much of a hassle… If i would have a car, my allowance needs to be raised because of the price of gas… Well i can also charge that on my currently-imaginary-credit-card.. Then i realized there’s a bigger need! We actually need to find better alternatives for our energy sources. Oil is fast depleting… Even fossil fuel is going to become a rare mineral… We need to harvest the sun’s energy more.. I actually read it somewhere that if we could harvest all the energy that the sun gives in a day, it can power the world for 3 years! yeah.. cool right? 3 years… oh well.. for now i just need a credit card..